One of the dangers of being a chaplain is trivializing a person's pain or experience. It is relatively easy to do and if you do it too often the patient will shut up and not talk anymore or ask you to leave the room. And so you might loose the chance to support them.
How do you trivialize their pain? You do this by first listening to their experience and then telling them that..."Oh yes I have been through that" or "I know of someone who went through the same thing and this is how they got through it". This at first might seem good as your are just trying to show the patient that you are empathizing with them. But as they try to tell their story/pain and you try and interject with something of your own they begin to think that this person is not listening to me. And then they stop talking and let you talk which is the exact opposite of the role of the chaplain. In the first few visits the PT does not want to be told how to fix their situation or how you or a friend went through the same problem. They want to be able to tell their story/pain and they just want a person to listen. And that is hard as we, humans, seem to be hardwired to try and solve problems or talk about what we have been through instead of just listening.
This applies to every day life as well. How often do we find a friend in need or in pain and when they try to tell their story we say, "Oh it's not that bad, I had the same thing happen to me/friend/co-worker etc and this is what happened". Or "Wow that stinks, but you know what this is how you can change that". And so instead of letting the person tell us the depth of their pain, we wall it off, and try to fix it instead. Pain, like grief, needs to be worked though not necessarily solved. And that is hard because as Americans we tend to avoid pain as much as possible. Eventually Time and God allows for the healing/solving process to begin, but in the meantime we need to just to shut our mouths, (indeed zipper them if need be) pray, and open our ears.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Happy 4th of July
I love the 4th of July! I love the fried food, the warm weather, and then the fireworks. For me it always takes too long for the Sun to pass through the horizon. Silently I will the Sun to move it's last sliver past the Earth so that my mind can be blown away by the magic of our hosts. I love seeing the contrasts of red/purple, blue/green, and orange/white across the night sky. And it amazes me the new shapes and designs within designs that the engineers come up with every year. I cannot wait for the day that a dragon such as the one Tolkien writes of at Bilbo's party come to pass!!
My fav. 4th of July happened near Hearing Beach in MA. I had heard their fireworks were pretty good and as I had never seen fireworks over the water before I was determined to go. So I picked up about 15 friends and we went to the beach for the afternoon playing in the water, getting bit by horsefly's, playing Volleyball, and eating dinner. Then around 9pm it all started but not at our beach. A town a few miles down started early with a HUGE bonfire and then they set off their fireworks. It was cool but I was disappointed because they were so far away and so we could not take part in the fun......then 5 min later fireworks again started going off. These were much closer and m0re colorful but again they were coming from another town a mile up the beach. Then BOOOM....BANG.....POP the fireworks I had come to see were here!!! There were all sorts of shapes and sizes and colors and they were beautiful. And the best part was that I could look all around me and see fireworks! I could look down the beach and I could see them! I could look up the beach and see them there too. And then I could lay down in the cool sand with my eye to the stars and see those explosions of light and be satisfied. And for a time I was able to put away my worries of Hebrew, and of my job, of the youth ministry I volunteered at, and how I was going to pay for the next yr of school and just be.
And so that time of year is once again here. I am looking forward to seeing friends, eating good food, and maybe throwing around a Frisbee, but the main attraction is those bursts of light and sound. And while they are often too short of a show they are none-the-less beautiful and make me look forward to the great celebration, the one that will never end, that is yet to come.
My fav. 4th of July happened near Hearing Beach in MA. I had heard their fireworks were pretty good and as I had never seen fireworks over the water before I was determined to go. So I picked up about 15 friends and we went to the beach for the afternoon playing in the water, getting bit by horsefly's, playing Volleyball, and eating dinner. Then around 9pm it all started but not at our beach. A town a few miles down started early with a HUGE bonfire and then they set off their fireworks. It was cool but I was disappointed because they were so far away and so we could not take part in the fun......then 5 min later fireworks again started going off. These were much closer and m0re colorful but again they were coming from another town a mile up the beach. Then BOOOM....BANG.....POP the fireworks I had come to see were here!!! There were all sorts of shapes and sizes and colors and they were beautiful. And the best part was that I could look all around me and see fireworks! I could look down the beach and I could see them! I could look up the beach and see them there too. And then I could lay down in the cool sand with my eye to the stars and see those explosions of light and be satisfied. And for a time I was able to put away my worries of Hebrew, and of my job, of the youth ministry I volunteered at, and how I was going to pay for the next yr of school and just be.
And so that time of year is once again here. I am looking forward to seeing friends, eating good food, and maybe throwing around a Frisbee, but the main attraction is those bursts of light and sound. And while they are often too short of a show they are none-the-less beautiful and make me look forward to the great celebration, the one that will never end, that is yet to come.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Crazy Yo-Yo guy
This guy is nuts. I wonder how much time he put into this act?
http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=512516&fr=&cache=1
http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=512516&fr=&cache=1
No dough no go
So while I know I wanted most of my posts to deal with movies, books, news, or my experience as a chaplain, this post will be a little off the beaten trail. I have had discussions with multiple men on a a certain topic and I was curious as to what women thought as well. This is hypothetical and yes while I know some of you are married, engaged, or dating, think back to the days when you were single and tell me what you think....
What would you do if a guy, who had most of the characteristics that you were looking for in a boyfriend, asked you out but did not have a job, or more specifically a job that did not pay yet but would in a few months. You do know him pretty well and he is a dependable guy. The guy can take you out occasionally, he does have some money put away, but it not would be to the same extent of a normal first month of dating where the guy is supposed to wow and dazzle the woman he is trying to pursue. Would you be willing to date him? Would you be willing to wait for his job to become a paying one and in the meantime hang out with him in groups etc? Or would you tell him that if you are still available when his job starts to bring in the green then you would think about taking it to the next step?
BTW if you are interested in what I think or what some of the guys I have talked to thought I post that inside after a few responses.
What would you do if a guy, who had most of the characteristics that you were looking for in a boyfriend, asked you out but did not have a job, or more specifically a job that did not pay yet but would in a few months. You do know him pretty well and he is a dependable guy. The guy can take you out occasionally, he does have some money put away, but it not would be to the same extent of a normal first month of dating where the guy is supposed to wow and dazzle the woman he is trying to pursue. Would you be willing to date him? Would you be willing to wait for his job to become a paying one and in the meantime hang out with him in groups etc? Or would you tell him that if you are still available when his job starts to bring in the green then you would think about taking it to the next step?
BTW if you are interested in what I think or what some of the guys I have talked to thought I post that inside after a few responses.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Just Breathe
Breathing is pretty important, you need to be able to do it for just about everything. The only times it seems to be a bad idea it underwater with out a scuba tank, or when you are in a room with poisonous gases. And even then you need air you just cannot get it at the moment.
Personally I envy each and every one of you who can breathe normally. Who can talk and sing without any impediment at all. That for me just is not possible because of my asthma. Now I don't go about wheezing and for the most part I can play sports, sing when I want, etc and get by with a normal dry cough. Except that at times it can get so bad that I cannot even speak two words with out going into a coughing fit or I cant breathe deep enough to string a few notes, than it is readily apparent that I have asthma. Often times I wonder if people think I am sick and just need to get some meds or if I could shut up and go get some water to get rid of my cough. I am extremely self conscious of my cough. And it is pretty embarrassing when you are dancing with someone, having a good time, and you just cough full in their face....I tell ya nothing kills a dance faster than that.
But to keep with my Chaplain chain of thought. I have really noticed that in the hospital I cough more. It is due to stress/anxiety and it really bothers me as I do not want patients to think I will get them sick. I could wear a mask I suppose but it really inhibits the rapport between two people when you have one of those on your face. At least I can wear a normal one and not have to wear the Darth Vader mask. But if I think about it so far no one has grimaced or pulled away when I cough to the side and so maybe it is all superficial or I am just being too sensitive. I don't know but I have often wondered what my friends have thought. So what have you thought of my coughing? Did you know I had asthma?
Personally I envy each and every one of you who can breathe normally. Who can talk and sing without any impediment at all. That for me just is not possible because of my asthma. Now I don't go about wheezing and for the most part I can play sports, sing when I want, etc and get by with a normal dry cough. Except that at times it can get so bad that I cannot even speak two words with out going into a coughing fit or I cant breathe deep enough to string a few notes, than it is readily apparent that I have asthma. Often times I wonder if people think I am sick and just need to get some meds or if I could shut up and go get some water to get rid of my cough. I am extremely self conscious of my cough. And it is pretty embarrassing when you are dancing with someone, having a good time, and you just cough full in their face....I tell ya nothing kills a dance faster than that.
But to keep with my Chaplain chain of thought. I have really noticed that in the hospital I cough more. It is due to stress/anxiety and it really bothers me as I do not want patients to think I will get them sick. I could wear a mask I suppose but it really inhibits the rapport between two people when you have one of those on your face. At least I can wear a normal one and not have to wear the Darth Vader mask. But if I think about it so far no one has grimaced or pulled away when I cough to the side and so maybe it is all superficial or I am just being too sensitive. I don't know but I have often wondered what my friends have thought. So what have you thought of my coughing? Did you know I had asthma?
The Art of Saying Goodbye
Saying goodbye is always hard especially when the people you are saying goodbye to are/were close friends. I have had the pain and heartache of having to do this recently and to be honest it has really sucked!
These friends were with me through some of the hardest times in the history of my family. Through my grandfathers death, my aunt's death, the threatening of my parents, and the closing of my families business; just to name a few. And I have been with them through some pretty rough stuff as well. I have known them for 5 wonderful years and yet over the past two they have shown me more and more they just did not want to make the effort anymore.
And while I have tried to call them just to say goodbye, they have yet to return my calls.
So how have you handled goodbye's to friends? Do you have a certain way of doing it or do you just let go? Doesn't matter to me if they were crappy friends, good friends, friends who have faded away...just curious
These friends were with me through some of the hardest times in the history of my family. Through my grandfathers death, my aunt's death, the threatening of my parents, and the closing of my families business; just to name a few. And I have been with them through some pretty rough stuff as well. I have known them for 5 wonderful years and yet over the past two they have shown me more and more they just did not want to make the effort anymore.
And while I have tried to call them just to say goodbye, they have yet to return my calls.
So how have you handled goodbye's to friends? Do you have a certain way of doing it or do you just let go? Doesn't matter to me if they were crappy friends, good friends, friends who have faded away...just curious
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