So while I know I wanted most of my posts to deal with movies, books, news, or my experience as a chaplain, this post will be a little off the beaten trail. I have had discussions with multiple men on a a certain topic and I was curious as to what women thought as well. This is hypothetical and yes while I know some of you are married, engaged, or dating, think back to the days when you were single and tell me what you think....
What would you do if a guy, who had most of the characteristics that you were looking for in a boyfriend, asked you out but did not have a job, or more specifically a job that did not pay yet but would in a few months. You do know him pretty well and he is a dependable guy. The guy can take you out occasionally, he does have some money put away, but it not would be to the same extent of a normal first month of dating where the guy is supposed to wow and dazzle the woman he is trying to pursue. Would you be willing to date him? Would you be willing to wait for his job to become a paying one and in the meantime hang out with him in groups etc? Or would you tell him that if you are still available when his job starts to bring in the green then you would think about taking it to the next step?
BTW if you are interested in what I think or what some of the guys I have talked to thought I post that inside after a few responses.
Welcome to Chappie's corner! As the title indicates I am a chaplain in a local hospital. So some of my musing will reflect the things I learn on the job that I believe applies in the real world as well. And on occasion I will comment on the news I read as well as critique books or movies that I come across. So welcome, sit down for a bit, and enjoy the musings of a fellow traveler.
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- Chappie
- I love to read all sorts of books, tend to watch almost any movie, and even have been know to game from time to time. I enjoy hiking, Salsa, playing Volleyball and Ultimate. However Disc Golf is my favorate thing to do. I play from March-Nov of every yr and I love introducing people to the coolest hobby on the planet.
11 comments:
As much as I like to be taken out or have money spent on me I would still date the guy. I mean, yes, we all want someone who has a job and who has money saved up but things happen, it's hard to find a good job out there. Now, if he didn't find a job after say 1 1/2 of dating exclusivley, that's a different story, you want to know that your relationship, in ALL aspects is going in the right direction. I totally think that if a guy is wonderful in other ways and the only down fall to him is that he doesn't have a job or has yet to get paid for it then you need to give him the benefit of the doubt. But, I hate laziness and if that's the excuse for not having a job then forget it! The lazy part would turn or away faster than the not having a job!
:o) There's my two cents!
I think you should just ask her out, Jon.
As I have been saying lately, "Smart girls don't have to be golddiggers--they can get their own money."
I agree with most of what Brenda said. A relationship does need to have some security (hence the necessity of a job or some other means of keeping a roof over your heads), but I'm more "wowed" by a guy's character, fun nature, and commitment to the Lord than his wallet. Yes, it's nice to be treated well on dates by going to nice restaurants, etc., but it would be just as meaningful to me if it cost $5 and the guy put a lot of planning and thought into it for me. If it's a motivation factor, like Brenda mentioned, that's when it's problematic.
From what I understand and have observed, men have an innate expectation of themselves to be the provider. (Correct me if I’m wrong here guys.) So I can see why a guy might have this concern in considering beginning a relationship if he is not where he’d like to be financially. That said I believe most women would be open to beginning a relationship with someone in the described circumstances. Things do happen and we’re reminded of how we can not put our trust and faith in our job or money. God is our constant and will provide for our needs as we trust and obey Him. I would hope the BIG picture is taken into consideration and that a decision would be made from that. I’ve known married couples who struggled financially from when their relationships began and now are enjoying a more “comfortable” lifestyle in their later years. They are able to testify to how God provided and grew them through that time.
Hmmm...Wow I believe this is a first! Almost all the guys that I have talked on this topic would agree with you all. Which for me is a shock because like JenVare said, I have been raised to be the provider in a family. Now this does not mean I would not want my wife to work because believe me I do. If she has worked hard to get a degree in a field then by all means please pursue your passion or if she just wants to work, again no problem. Honestly seeing how much of struggle, financially, most early marriages go through I am all about both spouses working.
However as I am not in a marriage but single, my current outlook is that the guy should be pursuing the woman in all aspects. But the pursuit is usually helped by having a bit of green on the side. Honestly, I guess I tend to think the more expensive dates tend to be more fun. So maybe I need to tone it down a little and look for things that cheaper but still have a wow factor to them.. Hmm I guess, all those years ago, a woman in her late 30's who once told me, "that thoughtfulness is more important than $" was right. I had just assumed she had no clue what she was talking about. So JenVare, Brenda, and Sara, thanks for your input and Quebecca who says this was anything but hypothetical?? :)
I like that quote "thoughtfulness is more important than money." Gentlemen, take note! :)
I'd go out with you if you were broke you sexy studmuffin. Toodles Snookums....
Well, Jon, because honestly in coversations I have had with other women there is a bigger beef about guys not asking the girls out at all (and it doesn't have to be a fancy expensive date...just a date at all, and a SPECIFIED date not an innocuous "let's go out to coffee" that leaves the girl wondering as to the intention, which seems to be very common), than about the financial security or the money being spent on the date by the guy.
A guy with the guts to put it out there and take the first step is very attractive and I can definitely say from experience that if there is mutual interest the girl is impressed enough by that "first step" and just wants to spend time with the guy (and vice versa), no matter how that time is spent.
To me, it's more about financial responsibility than the size of the bank account. You can be responsible with just a little or irresponsible with a lot - it's attitude. And using wisely what Christ has given you. I think doing so shows godly character which is so much better than fancy dinners and movies.
Right back at you Joe.
http://www.ziddio.com/oneVideo.zd?dispatch=fetch&artifactId=2
All for you JMW...
Ok back to the seriousness of the thread
Yes, THANK YOU QUEBECCA! Of the dates I have been on, I have felt the most freedom to enjoy the ones that were defined as an actual "date," rather than "hanging out for coffee or something." Those vague "get togethers," as fun as they may be, sometimes leave women confused and unsure of how to read the guy's intentions. Women appreciate when a guy is up front and lets her know they're genuinely interested, whether it costs $0 or $200. That said, , I'm sure women can be darn confusing to men as well.
I do, also understand how men like to be the providers, and women really appreciate, admire, and respect that. Thank God for making us all so wonderfully different!
That said, let's all take a break from our computers for awhile and meet someone in the real world.
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