So the half-way point of my internship is here and I only have 5 weeks left and man has it been good! Yes I have had my fair share of death, sickness, depression, anxiety and even people wanting to end their life, but the LORD has seen me through it all. And where once it felt like an ulcer was in my stomach as I made my way to the ED (or ER) now I am relatively calm. That doesn't mean I don't feel useless at times or that I am able to help everyone that God puts in my path, but it does mean that I am fully confident that whatever comes my way I will be able to do my best and let God do the rest.
What has been the hardest part? Well for me it wasn't the Code Blues, Traumas, or even the infant demise. For me was coming into contact with a patient (PT) who wanted to end their life because of the incredible amount of pain the PT was in. It was especially hard because this PT was not listed as a possible suicide and so I had no idea of the conversation we would have. It was so hard that when the PT told me the PT's desires I wanted to run out of the room. This was not because of the fact I had no possible idea of how to handle this situation, but because it brought up some incredibly painful memories of a student suicide that I dealt with at seminary. However, and to me this is one of the best part's of being a Christian, instead of running, I immediately prayed and I was answered! As I felt myself begin to shut down, God instead gave me strength, peace of mind, and the ability to be there and listen to the PT. Since that PT I have had to deal with more suicides than any other intern, but I am not afraid for my LORD, my defender, my strength, is with me and He will get me through it.
What has been the best part? I can be with people and try to help them with their problems. And that is a bit strange for me, for it was only 12 years ago that as I entered College I was going to choose a profession that would limit my interaction with people. I only wanted to study the ocean, both with my eyes and my stomach, and only on occasion deal with those funny, complex, organisms called humans. However God has changed that and while it has taken over a decade for that change to take place, me I now readily enjoy people and I enjoy listening to their lives. And so I have had the chance to develop my "listening ear" as people tell me of their joys, pains, anxieties, goals, pasts, hopes, anger, and depression. And I have had the chance to bring peace, hope, and love and fulfill the Lord's command to be with the sick, the poor, and the needy. I have listened to the stories of amputees, heart PT's, PT's with HIV, diabetics, those who are clinically depressed, those who are sick of being in and out of the hospital every few weeks, and those scared to death of what their next visit with the doctor will mean. And I meet them with the Holy Spirit having gone before me, I bring with me the Love, Hope and Peace of God and I see them, or try to, with His eyes. For make no mistake there is NO way I could possibly do this on my own.
Anyway I am faced with the decision to move forward in this profession. I have an interview with Christiana Care for the residency this fall. If I am accepted I will be in a paid position (whohooo) and Ill be working about 55 hours a week. I will also have more than just one floor, like I do now, to be the Chaplain for. My interview is at 2pm on Tuesday July 10th. It will be in 2 parts. The first part will be with my supervisor and the director of Pastoral care (who is also my coordinating chaplain). The second part will be with a staff chaplain as well as someone from the oversight committee for pastoral care. It should be a breeze. I am pretty confident that I will get the job, but I want to be where the Lord wants me. So I would like to ask all who read this to please pray for me as I look towards my next stage in life. I would also like prayer as Tues. is one of my on-call nights and that means I will be working from 8am Tues-4pm Wed. It is a loooooog shift and while I do get to sleep, if the night is busy that sleep may not be coming. I will find out by Fri. if I got the job or not.
And so Ill leave you with a story of God's providence. This past Fri. I ended my time with a PT with whom I had met with a few times over a week and a half. The PT was angry with the doctors on what the PT felt was mistreatment and on our first visit I suggested that the PT should fire the PT's doctors. And that is probably one of the reasons the PT asked me to come back. This PT is also a staunch atheist and while we talked about all sorts of topics we did not go much into faith or the Bible. During the course of the three visits I had with the PT we developed a rapport and the PT freely talked to me about the PT's family, outlook on life, why I was a chaplain, a little about how faith affects the outcome of sick PT's, and a lot about history. Most of you might think that because I was not able to evangelize this PT that the visit was a failure. But the truth of the matter is we are not allowed to proselytize anyone unless that ask about our faith. We are only allowed to try and support them in their situation, maybe pray for them, and then leave. And at first this was very frustrating, but as I look to the Bible and Jesus's example I see that He often healed a person or took care of a problem, or in the case of Zacheues acknowledged his existence before He would share the reason why He was there. And that is what I do. I don't physically heal them or take care of their poverty, but I do the one thing most people never do; I listen. I listen to their problems, pains, hatreds, angers, joys, loves, all without judging, all in hope, that somehow Christ's Love will show and that I will get to share about the one whom I LOVE! There are three phases in evangelism. The sowing, watering, and reaping. My role will, most of the time, be the first so that Christians like YOU can follow up and be willing to do the rest. And that is why when I cannot out and out share my faith I am not frustrated, for I know the Lord will not let any of His own slip through His fingers.
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4 comments:
Oh about the providence part of the post....The PT eventually fired his doctor and got one he liked....who is a Christian. And I listened so well that the PT's spouce is going to write a letter of recommendation to my supervisor for the residency, Which I did not ask for. Anyway I do not think that the Lord is done with that family quite yet.
Awesome post man. I really respect the work that you are doing. I pray things will go well for you this week.
Very cool to catch a glimpse of the niche the Lord has carved out for you. As I read your post, I was struck with the fact that this kind of work has "Jesus" written all over it: care for the sick, the elderly, the children, the lonely . . . these are the people who Jesus always seemed most attracted to. You are blessed, my friend, for the presence of the Lord is most certainly with you in this special work.
As I read your entry, I was struck with the fact that this work you are doing has "Jesus" written all over it. The folks you care for (the sick, the elderly, the children, the lonely . . .) are the kinds of people that our Lord seemed to be most drawn to. You are blessed, my friend, because the Savior is undoubtedly walking those hospital hallways at your side. I'm sure He would way rather be there, with the lowly and the needy, than up on some stage or behind some pulpit. This muddy place He has put you in is actually fertile ground for planting the seeds of the kingdom. I look forward to reading about the fruit you see in the months and years to come.
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